Grief and resistance
Rage yesterday, grief today. What is up with my unconsciousness?
Fortunately embedded in the grief was an enticing science fictional storyline. Nearing a Singularity one develops eigenselves or shadow selfs embedded in computational matter. The more bizarre the action the more likely an eigenself is to appear and begin living as you. So the grief of this comes in with the character, the focus of the I, splitting away from his old life and watching his old I and especially the person whom so many dreams are about falling away into death and forgetfulness.
Bizarre. And also today I wrestle with the fact that I am putting off cleaning my kitchen heroically well. Gently I wonder how I can edge my way around the wall of absolute resistance and get it done. But the effort of it is tiring and it is the first progress in several days. Anyone would feel frustrated by that, but I have learnt that forcing myself leads to a backlash of even worse proportions and longer degree of tediousness. So I endure it patiently.