The decision of the day: to buy ginseng or not?!!!

It's Thursday today, and I'm up early after a night of startling lucid, realistic dreams. Progressing from sex to Dr Leary to outright outrageous entertainment, the dreams certainly dazzled me. It attribute them to A< the contemplative work, B< the Ginseng I took yesterday and C< the 13 hours of sleeping.

Shakti my cat woke me at one-thirty, wounded and shy from some incident outside. I have wrapped her up in a wooly jumper today but she is quiet and serious, speaking only to complain for brief periods while her tail flicks wildly.

Wednesday was great, however. Having lost my card and spent my money it dawned on me mid-morning that I would have to walk into town, which I did in short, contemplative stints, and it was most enjoyable. Everyone in town was polite, thankfully, because I was stuffed once I got there!

I had created four possible ways to spend money this fortnight, four scenarios, as it were. I could spend it on bills, rent, eating out, and scarce home eating. I could spend it all on bills and rent and some ginseng to boost my energy levels. I could eat in more and spend on rent and moderately on bills, and no ginseng. OR I could only spend the normal low amount on bills, pay rent, and splurge the rest of great quality food eating in AND ginseng as well.

It was the final option, D, which appealed to me the most.

I remembered last night in the bath how it felt when one of my relatives gave me a wad of hundred dollar notes once. Being so accustomed to the ups and downs of having little money, then having no money, and having developed no emotional clarity around the fact of relative scarcity, I simply burst into tears at the sudden thought of how to manage an influx of cash.

Now I have the sense that, having developed some degree of intellectual plan around finance, it would be a bit easier on the emotions. But the boom-time rush, and the bust-time slump, is still with me as an animal instinct.