Gaia is the word for "unity-of-life-processes". The experiment here is to unify the various threads of voice and sense of self together into an undivided unity. Spirituality, economics, politics, science and ordinary life interleaved.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

I don't wanna do anything: from bad mood to good.

I don't wanna go to Bendigo.
I don't wanna go out today.
I don't wanna study, write, or think.
I don't wanna listen to even another car passing by.
I don't wanna play music.
I don't wanna rest or lie down.
I don't wanna go talk to bureaucrats.
I don't wanna deal with people.
I don't wanna take on any more stress.

I just want to let go, let go and let god.
I just want to lie in the dark with the cat
And forget about life for a while.

*** **** *** ****

A little later:

I guess instead of paying bills like a fanatic who doesn't need to eat, instead I can buy food. Since my level of income increases by a hundred dollars per fortnight next week, I can pay the bills off then. The only concern is...will I have to request an extension on them?

I'll have to find out!

So I found out that I can extend my electricity (25.50$) to March 23, and pay my phone bill (45.00$) to the same date without extensions. That means I have only deferred the normal 40$ bills in favor of spending it on food.


As to other matters, my head is a bit misty at present after my upset minutes. I will ring the Employment Agency and discover what is happening there with my application for one on one support.

I got the answering machine as usual. They are not available. I don't know what to do now.

I sat down to write today but I'm not sure it's a going proposition. I will return to it and see.

It's difficult to know where to start. Obviously I want to write the highest calibrating story possible. Obviously I want to start with a cool image, such as the Gaiaformation of Mars, and go from there. So I have about ten different beginnings, each one a little less uninspired than the last! I would prefer to condense the best of each into one really inspired opening with a bunch of cool imagery. I'll leave that til later.

Last night I had a guy over. It was fun but today I feel completely dissatisfied with myself to be honest. I feel quite unmotivated and 'down'. I feel as if I have just gone for kicks rather than satisfactions. This is hardly surprising because the fella I was with tested weak and he wasn't too inspiring either.

I feel yuck. It's too hot to go out. I don't feel like staying home all the time today.

The best thing I can make of today is to clean up some more. Hopefully I can find my concession card, my study notes for the certificate that's due REAL SOON, and wait for this HORRENDOUS heat to pass. It's these days where I wish I hadn't misplaced my intolerably ugly and unfashionable hat.

Come four O clock it might be fruitful to head into town and pay some bills and pay rent. Being a Friday the State library and Uni library will be open until, respectively, 8 and 10. And Borders books will also be open for what good that will do. And also being friday the Adelaide market will be open with fresh fruit and veg til 9. So I might go in just as the cool descends.

However, I seem to be wasting time at present so I'll take that as a sign that I need a bit of a lie down...


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