How Negative Beliefs Can Be Deconstructed and the Past Forgiven
A few years ago I moved in with an eco-nazi who scolded me whenever I washed a plate under a running tap.
"That's a waste of water!"
"It only takes a few seconds," I mildly pointed out.
But her shaming scowl did the job which her words could not. I took on the negative belief system that there is not enough water to go around, and that I was not entitled to have as much water as I loved trickling over my delighted fingertips when I washed dishes. I felt shamed.
Then tonight I was washing my rice bowl under the cool tap and the intense feelings of shame and judgment came up and I recognised them from this lady's mean-spirited and thoughtless act of cruelty.
"Fuck off," I told her. "I am not part of your negative program! Fuck off and keep your limiting belief. I am an unlimited being. I love water. I live in an abundant world. There's more than enough water for everyone."
The same instant I saw that I had associated water with emotion, feeling. I came to believe by extension that there was not enough emotion to go around, there was a shortage of good feelings.
"I am in the flow of life," I said. "I love and accept all my feelings. I am free from the past and joyfully aware of my present."
Now I understand why I had such trouble forgiving her. Her obsession with the woundedness of the planet was just a straw man for her own traumatic and damaged psyche. I wasn't a target for her bullying, but just a safe object for her to vent her self-hatred upon. She didn't hate me at all; herself was what she hated.
Tonight I realise this while doing the dishes, and I finally forgive her completely.