Gaia is the word for "unity-of-life-processes". The experiment here is to unify the various threads of voice and sense of self together into an undivided unity. Spirituality, economics, politics, science and ordinary life interleaved.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

How Negative Beliefs Can Be Deconstructed and the Past Forgiven

A few years ago I moved in with an eco-nazi who scolded me whenever I washed a plate under a running tap.

"That's a waste of water!"

"It only takes a few seconds," I mildly pointed out.

But her shaming scowl did the job which her words could not. I took on the negative belief system that there is not enough water to go around, and that I was not entitled to have as much water as I loved trickling over my delighted fingertips when I washed dishes. I felt shamed.

Then tonight I was washing my rice bowl under the cool tap and the intense feelings of shame and judgment came up and I recognised them from this lady's mean-spirited and thoughtless act of cruelty.

"Fuck off," I told her. "I am not part of your negative program! Fuck off and keep your limiting belief. I am an unlimited being. I love water. I live in an abundant world. There's more than enough water for everyone."

The same instant I saw that I had associated water with emotion, feeling. I came to believe by extension that there was not enough emotion to go around, there was a shortage of good feelings.

"I am in the flow of life," I said. "I love and accept all my feelings. I am free from the past and joyfully aware of my present."

Now I understand why I had such trouble forgiving her. Her obsession with the woundedness of the planet was just a straw man for her own traumatic and damaged psyche. I wasn't a target for her bullying, but just a safe object for her to vent her self-hatred upon. She didn't hate me at all; herself was what she hated.

Tonight I realise this while doing the dishes, and I finally forgive her completely.

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