Entitlement Porn For Chicks - "Jupiter Ascending"

Thank God we have movies for everyone these days. I can appreciate two aspects of "films for women and gay people". First, I appreciate the sheer badness of basing films on identity politics, the way the film archly winks and smiles at a small group of people in a desperate attempt to make money. Second, just as I appreciate the bull shit of women and gay people, so I can enjoy the bull shit of art made to appeal to women and gay people. And "Jupiter Ascending" is a good example of both sheer badness and good quality bull shit.

The best way to really encapsulate the movie "Jupiter Ascending" is to call it a retard-athon. It's a string of banal, tepid, insipid, and outright moronic cliches and tropes strung together.

Imagine the movie "Twilight" combined with any of a variety of chick legal/marriage/family flicks.

No, wait, forget that.

Just imagine Channing Tatum as a... take a breath... Channing Tatum as a bare-chested winged space werewolf employed by a family of evil glittery space vampires...

As a matter of fact, we can just stop right there and ask ourselves the real question on everybody's mind: is "Jupiter Ascending" the most gayest science fiction movie ever filmed?

Magic Mike as the male lead certainly doesn't help. Making the entire incoherent plot revolve around nonsensical legal peccadildoes of "entitlement" doesn't help either. The plot involving Jupiter Jones - the main character - shows her fighting for her 'entitlements', rather than earning them, using marriage, law, family and the blood and sweat of brave men. And she gets to have her folksy US lifestyle at the end whilst remaining the Gay Princess of Planet Earth.

What is this really? It's really entitlement porn for geeky women who are brainwashed to feel unappreciated because they have disassociated emotionally from their biological instincts as women. "Jupiter Ascending" is the hot tranny mess of entitlement porn, combining geeky Scifi gaiety with sentimental images of unearned privilege.

Who else would like to see the  Israel Defence Forces beat Channing's ass?

We could excuse it by saying "Jupiter Ascending" is Twilight set in space, but - let's be honest, shall we? - there are some hilarious moments of just profound faggottry in this film. Some parts of this film must be there only to make us laugh. This film cannot be taking itself seriously in the same way the Twilight films tried to, can it?

"Jupiter Ascending" seems to complacently accepted its own gilded superficiality, its sheer badness, its dwarfish and ignoble moral ambitions. And why not? The movie is entitled to have unmerited self-esteem about its own mediocrity. Jupiter Jones, you go gurl.